Just a Little Balance Please!

(A post that is just about being real... no real devotional... just honesty.)

I am selfish. There. I said it. I know I am not alone, but that doesn't matter. Jesus commands me to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but to always consider others as more important than myself (Phil 2:3 f). It was time I listened and time I got my priorities correct.

All of this came to a head about two weeks ago. A month before I had started an extreme exercise program. The commitment was 6 days a week, at least an hour a day. The only time I had to do it was while the kids were napping, which was when I usually did my quiet time. So then my quiet time got pushed to right before bed (you can imagine how productive that time was!). After exercising, I was wiped out and had little energy to keep up with the house, play with the kids, take care of my husband, stay up on errands, etc. I was doing nothing well. In fact I found myself getting angry and defensive about not getting more help from others. I wasn't even losing the weight I was hoping for. I was incredibly discouraged, not because of the weight, but because I was watching the breakdown of the relationships I care about the most.

I am not a quitter, I loved the exercise, but how could I justify putting everything second to that program? I made a hard decision. I cut back. Instead of working out 6 days a week, I now work out 3 days a week. I am doing the same program but it is just taking me twice as long. Guess what, I am now losing weight, my kids are getting my attention and we are playing together, I am keeping the house clean, my husband gets a hot meal on the table, and I NEVER replace working out with my quiet time. It is all about priorities.

Ecclesiastes 3 talks about the different seasons of life. In every season there are times we are going to be called to certain things. I know that this season of my life is to be the best mom to my preschool children that I can be. To love them unconditionally, give them the attention and instruction they deserve. If I am so busy with other things that I am not able to be the consistent parent I need to be, something is wrong. I need to love my husband well by respecting him and caring for him. To love him as the Bible commands: to demonstrate to the world that how I love him is how we should love the Lord (wow, that is convicting!)(Eph 5:22-33).

It is hard putting off something that we want to do for the good of those around us and for my own spiritual health. I know that anything that causes me to be to busy to spend time with the Lord is an idol and NOT from Him (even good things, even some Godly things). God is looking at my heart. Was losing weight and being physically fit worth the sacrifice I was asking my family to make? Easy answer, no.

My Dad passed away suddenly almost 6 months ago. It was completely unexpected. It happened to him, it could happen to me, to those I love around me. What if it did? Would the way I am living my life now, managing my time now, cause me to have regrets? Would I feel guilty and convicted of wasted time and a wasted life?

Anyway, I know this post is completely random. Not super deep and not the usual explication of Scripture, but this is real. This is what I am going through, this is what the Lord is teaching me. Time will come that I will have the time to serve in a particular ministry, work out at my leisure, lay in a hammock and read to my hearts content... but now I know where the Lord is convicting me. I know where I need to change, and if you are being honest with yourself, you know the areas in your life that need to change too. The time is now. It is time to listen and obey. Trust that the Lord will handle the details and let go.

As I sang to my precious toddler tonight, "Trust and obey, for there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey."