Just a Little Balance Please!

(A post that is just about being real... no real devotional... just honesty.)

I am selfish. There. I said it. I know I am not alone, but that doesn't matter. Jesus commands me to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but to always consider others as more important than myself (Phil 2:3 f). It was time I listened and time I got my priorities correct.

All of this came to a head about two weeks ago. A month before I had started an extreme exercise program. The commitment was 6 days a week, at least an hour a day. The only time I had to do it was while the kids were napping, which was when I usually did my quiet time. So then my quiet time got pushed to right before bed (you can imagine how productive that time was!). After exercising, I was wiped out and had little energy to keep up with the house, play with the kids, take care of my husband, stay up on errands, etc. I was doing nothing well. In fact I found myself getting angry and defensive about not getting more help from others. I wasn't even losing the weight I was hoping for. I was incredibly discouraged, not because of the weight, but because I was watching the breakdown of the relationships I care about the most.

I am not a quitter, I loved the exercise, but how could I justify putting everything second to that program? I made a hard decision. I cut back. Instead of working out 6 days a week, I now work out 3 days a week. I am doing the same program but it is just taking me twice as long. Guess what, I am now losing weight, my kids are getting my attention and we are playing together, I am keeping the house clean, my husband gets a hot meal on the table, and I NEVER replace working out with my quiet time. It is all about priorities.

Ecclesiastes 3 talks about the different seasons of life. In every season there are times we are going to be called to certain things. I know that this season of my life is to be the best mom to my preschool children that I can be. To love them unconditionally, give them the attention and instruction they deserve. If I am so busy with other things that I am not able to be the consistent parent I need to be, something is wrong. I need to love my husband well by respecting him and caring for him. To love him as the Bible commands: to demonstrate to the world that how I love him is how we should love the Lord (wow, that is convicting!)(Eph 5:22-33).

It is hard putting off something that we want to do for the good of those around us and for my own spiritual health. I know that anything that causes me to be to busy to spend time with the Lord is an idol and NOT from Him (even good things, even some Godly things). God is looking at my heart. Was losing weight and being physically fit worth the sacrifice I was asking my family to make? Easy answer, no.

My Dad passed away suddenly almost 6 months ago. It was completely unexpected. It happened to him, it could happen to me, to those I love around me. What if it did? Would the way I am living my life now, managing my time now, cause me to have regrets? Would I feel guilty and convicted of wasted time and a wasted life?

Anyway, I know this post is completely random. Not super deep and not the usual explication of Scripture, but this is real. This is what I am going through, this is what the Lord is teaching me. Time will come that I will have the time to serve in a particular ministry, work out at my leisure, lay in a hammock and read to my hearts content... but now I know where the Lord is convicting me. I know where I need to change, and if you are being honest with yourself, you know the areas in your life that need to change too. The time is now. It is time to listen and obey. Trust that the Lord will handle the details and let go.

As I sang to my precious toddler tonight, "Trust and obey, for there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey."

To be Used or Not to be Used?

Matthew 14:22-33 (Click on Reference to read Scripture)

Do you want to be used by God? I am talking about being used in supernatural ways that all of earth will be changed because of the life you lived? We all would answer yes. Just writing these words makes my heart long that He uses me in ways that can only be described as supernatural. I have often prayed over the years that the Lord would use me greatly, beyond my imagination. However, when He begins to answer this prayer, and things don’t always seem to go as planned, we often falter in our faith and become like Peter… sinking instead of walking.

There are people in the Bible, many who entire books of the Bible are devoted to and who are still known and talked about thousands of years later, who were called to do some pretty bizarre things in the name and will of God. Let me list a few:

1. Isaiah was commanded by God to walk around naked for THREE YEARS in order for God to get his point across to pagan nations (Is 20).
2. God took the life of Ezekiel’s wife suddenly and then commanded Ezekiel not to mourn as a testimony to Israel (Ez 24:15f).
3. Hosea was commanded to marry a prostitute that would cause him no end of heartache (Hosea).
4. Mary, who was called highly favored of God and the mother of Jesus, endured serious trials. She was more than likely scorned and ridiculed the moment she showed up pregnant and not married, her fiance almost abandoned her, she had to flee her country in the middle of the night to save the life of her family, and she had to watch her son be crucified and mocked in front of her very eyes (Luke 1:26-38, Matthew 1:18-25, Matthew 2:13-15, John 19:16-30).
5. Moses had to basically spend his entire adult life in the dessert, NOT the promised land, and lead an entire nation of complaining people which constantly doubted his authority and his relationship with God (Exodus 16:1-21, 17:1-7, Numbers 11:10-15, Joshua 1:1-2).
6. Paul, Peter, John, and all the original disciples either spent time in prison, were stoned, definitely ridiculed, homeless, shipwrecked, exiled, and martyred for the Kingdom of God.
7. Daniel was thrown into a den of lions just because he prayed every day to God (Daniel 6).

And I could literally go on and on. Louie Giglio once said, “God does not use anyone mightily that He does not test thoroughly.” I am not saying that God is going to command you to walk around naked for three years, take away your spouse, or ship you off as Lions food, but if he does, will you still praise him? Will He still be the Lord of your life and the desire of your heart? That is a tough question, but God is worth it. His reward is for eternity.

Let’s not get so focused on today that we lose the big picture of how God wants to use us for eternity. The waves may be crashing down all around us, but God still wants you to walk on water and follow him. You only have one shot here on earth to be used by God. Are you willing to be sold out and have him do things in your life that can only be described as supernatural, even when they might not be exactly like you imagined?

Just as God asked Isaiah: Whom shall I send? May I respond likewise, "Here I am, send me!" (Isaiah 6:8)